So wrong but accurate.
So wrong but accurate.
My previous post about Kate Bush being a genius 25 years ago somehow disappeared into the abyss. Maybe that’s a good thing. But I’m still going to write this diatribe while sipping a large dark roast, because it has to be said.
I “met” J online in 2012. Not in a romantic sense. We had one of those great relationships where the person actually gets you, understands all of your weirdness, your quirks, and really likes you despite that. We moved to phone conversations for hours, and finally one night at midnight we met at a diner. And we sat there talking until 7:10 am, when we finally both left and went our own ways. One of the best conversations of my life.
As we got to know each other more, I discovered that J buried his fears behind his writing, his camera, his issues. He never ever ever dealt with his loneliness by reaching out to others. He desperately wanted not to be alone, but somehow always fucked things up; as a friend, as a brother, as a son, as a lover. It was painful to watch. I held his hand so many times as he cried, and I never could quite understand the paralysis he had, but only offer sympathy.
One reason I couldn’t be with him in a romantic sense was because he put me on a pedestal. Something I’ve never been comfortable with, as I always want a level, equal, healthy relationship, friend or lover. I discovered that his hours of online surfing, fantasizing, and taking photos but never living them put him in a dark hole where nothing will ever measure up. And it still makes me sad, because he’s a wonderful person.
Yesterday, he contacted me. After a year of nothing. What happens to those relationships, where you can email, chat, talk and get along it seems? When one day, the light goes out? Is it computer overload? Where does the connection go? Is it just safer to remain in a bubble of your own shit?
I’m seeing someone now, and my life is really different from a year ago. I know how hard it was for him to reach out. Still putting me on the pedestal. But I’m just a girl, moving through life.
So we set a time to meet up, because people that get you don’t come along that often, and even when you push them away there are days when you realize 7 hour conversations in diners don’t come as easily as breathing.
If you’re still awake reading this, you understand what I’m talking about. I’m wondering…does everyone else think Kate had it right 25 years ago?
My brother cleaned and detailed the inside of my car while I sat in his house playing Muppet Yahtzee with his kids. I had no idea where he was. SO cool.
My brother is sort of a neat freak. When they left for the show we had a talk about food rules before they left. I broke them and sent him these photos of the boys. I love being an Aunt.
I can’t watch this without wondering who cracked up first. I think it was me.